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Sep. 6th, 2002
sometimes i wonder...
Sep. 6th, 2002 12:43 pm...why pray? it hasn't done me much good in recent memory...no answers, no peace of mind, not even a feeling that someone is listening. and yet, if i don't do it every night, i feel empty, like i'm missing something. what weird creatures human beings are.
roshashana services tonight...i'm looking forward to them. hopefully, the rabbi will have some words of wisdom to share with us. then, in 10 days will be yom kippur. that, i'm certainly not looking forward to. it's not the fast itself that bothers me. granted, it's hard not to eat or drink for 25 hours (sunset on sunday to 1 hour after sunset on monday), but i've done it before, and i can do it again this year. no, what bothers me is the frame of mind i tend to get into around yom kippur. since it's the day of atonement, when jews ask God for forgivement from their sins, it's the day when everyone contemplates everything they've done wrong in the past year. and man, that's a depressing thing to do. there's always so much i'm sorry for...and the hardest part is that in the ten days between roshashana and yom kippur, you're supposed to ask people you've wronged for forgiveness and forgive everyone who asks you. that means owning up to everything you've done wrong to people in your life! that's hard...and forgiving others is hard, too. i don't know what i'm gonna do this year...hopefully, unlike last year, i will not have another crisis. i've had far too many in recent memory to have one again now.
roshashana services tonight...i'm looking forward to them. hopefully, the rabbi will have some words of wisdom to share with us. then, in 10 days will be yom kippur. that, i'm certainly not looking forward to. it's not the fast itself that bothers me. granted, it's hard not to eat or drink for 25 hours (sunset on sunday to 1 hour after sunset on monday), but i've done it before, and i can do it again this year. no, what bothers me is the frame of mind i tend to get into around yom kippur. since it's the day of atonement, when jews ask God for forgivement from their sins, it's the day when everyone contemplates everything they've done wrong in the past year. and man, that's a depressing thing to do. there's always so much i'm sorry for...and the hardest part is that in the ten days between roshashana and yom kippur, you're supposed to ask people you've wronged for forgiveness and forgive everyone who asks you. that means owning up to everything you've done wrong to people in your life! that's hard...and forgiving others is hard, too. i don't know what i'm gonna do this year...hopefully, unlike last year, i will not have another crisis. i've had far too many in recent memory to have one again now.
my driver's license and student id have disappeared, leaving me without them (obviously) and also leaving me unable to go to services, since i need a student id to pick up my tix. this sucks. really, really sucks. what, does God not want me to go to the synagougue today?
oh, bugger. this has not been a very good week.
oh, bugger. this has not been a very good week.
