back at school! woohoo!

[dancingyel]

so i'm back in sd, which is quite lovely on the one hand, but nerve-wracking on the other. i'm in an odd mood right now...i don't do that well with change, and this year promises a lot of it. but at the same time, i'm excited about everything...all the new possibilities. my parents have left and i'm by myself, facing a load of boxes and junk. it'll be nice when i'm all unpacked, but i just don't have the energy right now. short break, and then i'll go back to doing it.

random thought: it's weird how hurtful words can be. even if it's just a little thing, it can really hurt, and i tend to remember little things even when i don't want to. one time when i was with a friend and a fire truck went by, sirens screaming. my rabbi once said that we should say a short prayer for them to get there on time every time we hear sirens, so i did. i mentioned this to my friend, all happy with myself, and she just brushed me off, saying that she'd always done that, no big deal. now, i know she didn't mean to be hurtful, but that's how it came out, and the worst part is that everytime i hear sirens now, i remember to pray and then i remember being brushed off for it and it hurts. silly, i know. blah anyhow.

ok, off to finish unpacking...must put on beatles music and cheer up.

Comments

[earlgrayteahot.livejournal.com]

glad you made it to san diego safely..

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

yep, i did. i'm glad to be here, really.

soul-searching

[newerabooks.livejournal.com]

Although I do not remember an incident like that, it is quite possible that I am that friend. If it was me, I'm sorry.
I can only try to imagine what the circumstances were. I might have meant it in a "Oh, me too! Isn't it cool that we both do that!" way. Remember last year when I told you about how girls try to grow closer by showing what they have in common? (Like the little girl who told you during the psych experiment that her mommy had a scissor-grater-garlic press just like yours.) Well, consider me Exhibit A, because I do that a lot. I don't mean it to be a one-upmanship. And if that isn't what I was saying, then it's what I should have been saying. You trust your friends to help you grow and support you, so when they act inconsiderately or say something thoughtless then it hurts more than it might coming from a casual acquaintance. Please consider a comment like that as a rare aberration from the way I mean to treat you, and forgive it. I hope that this sincere apology helps you to work through the hurt you felt at the time so that the lingering hurt you associate with the memory fades.

Re: soul-searching

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

oh, emily...i'm so sorry i was really vague in that post. it really wasn't you, sweetie! i didn't even realize you could've thought it applied to you but i see that yeah, it could've. sorry! thank you, though, for the explanation of the possible logic. it's one of those things i really should've been aware of but wasn't, and it helps to have it pointed out to me.

so we really should meet up! i ended up being super busy today, but i have a completely free day tomorrow. would some time tomorrow work for you? let's get in touch, yeah?

*dies*

[waccoonie71.livejournal.com]

that was probably me...

sorry elaine. i didn't mean it like that. i really do think ti's cool that you do that. and i thought emily's comment v. accurately described the thought process behind it.

so something i was reading about in the keirsey book re: T's, and talking to vanessa and candy (who're both F's seeking to understand the mystery that is T's), that i should put out as a disclaimer to myself. (not that that should excuse hurting your feelings, i just want to help prevent future incidents like this) T's generally see something as truth, and just say so regardless of another's feelings. they see it as simply something informative to be said, and it's not that they know it'll hurt and choose to say it anyway, it's really that they have no idea. point proven that i have no recollection of this incident, despite the impression it made on you. suggestions from the keirsey book on resolving diffs btwn t's and f's: t's to obviously think more about the consequences and implications of what they say, and for f's to be understanding that the t's aren't doing it to purposely wound them, and if it happens to be upfront about pointing it out right away because chances are, the t's will regret it immediately when the result of the comment is made known to them.

so once again, i'm v. sorry. what would be vraiment sad is if now when i see sirens i think of this, and you think of this and we're all just sad. how sad.

*hugs*

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

i just want to say, before i say anything else, that i didn't write this because i was mad, just because i was lonely and wistful...and you're forgiven, dear.

i know you didn't mean for it to be hurtful or anything...taking things too personally has always been one of my problems in my relationships with people. i probably should've said something right away, but it was one of those times that the conversation just went on and i thought, "it'd be stupid to say something about such a silly little thing" and then it just came up every time in my head, you know? i'm kinda hoping that now that i've communicated (i was gonna say "talked to you" but lj comments can't really be called that) the problem, it'll go away, due to the thoughtful explanations from both you and emily. so yes.

please don't be sad when you hear sirens! 'cause now it's all resolved and ok and i won't be sad (i hope) so you shouldn't be either! because that would be vraiment sad. yes. *hugs again*

and on an unrelated note, i'm loving the fact that i had 11 new emails in my inbox, and like 7 were comments from you. heh.