and it begins

[dancingyel]

so as the school year is getting going in earnest, the panic is setting in. so much junk to do for grad school and dance and my present classes! and i'm worried about tryouts...who am i gonna dance with? i don't wanna be an alternate again, not after last year's issues, but what if i don't make comp? i can't see myself not dancing, either. i dunno. and the whole grad school thing is really panic inducing. so much to do for it! applications! essays! letters of rec! psych GRE! yeah. panic.

to top it all off, i'm in another "i want a boyfriend!" phase. hate that, 'cause it's silly and pointless, but how to get rid of it? moments of moodiness have me wondering if anyone will ever want to date me...'cause the evidence seems to be proving otherwise. yeah, i know, it's not a very me thing to say. i'm the eternal optimist, right? but i'm jsut feeling very insecure right now, probably because of first time dancing yesterday after a whole summer, plus theater, where everyone is inherently funnier than i am. i'm just not a quick-thinking, witty sort of person. we play all these improv games and they're fun, but i suck at them. i don't really have good ideas, and i get intimidated in front of people. blah. and i just don't know what to do with myself on stage. i need a script and lines and directions, while most of what we're doing is improv. i wish i were more creative.

what in the world is going on with me? i don't even have homework yet, and i'm already overwhelmed. i'm not as busy as i was last year, but it seems like i'm already behind with everything. blast.



my roommate just offered me a chocolate chip merengue, which has cheered me up. thank you roommate, who will probably never see this since she doesn't have an lj. oh well. i feel better. stupid hormones.

Comments

[earlgrayteahot.livejournal.com]

I hope you're feeling better. You seem quite distressed.

I remember when Puretz made Thomas and I do an improv conversation in French. Man, was that horrible. All I remember was that our conversation devolved into something about a plastic bag.

Maybe you could just invent a personality or character that you always carry with you on stage, so you're always acting that part. I think exaggeration works well for this. Anyway, hope you're having fun. Take care.