changing an image

[dancingyel]

so i've posted a couple of times, and i've talked to some people about the fact that no matter where i go, i seem to present the same image to people. on the one hand, that's annoying, since there's no possibility for change (or so it seems). on the other hand, it's a little comforting to know that there's something stable about myself that stays there, regardless of where i am or who i'm with.



so i was thinking about that the other day...i was at david's, saying that one of the bab5 girls and i were gonna get in each other's way because we seem to have the same taste in guys. he thought about it and said, "no, it's just that you both like everyone." i wasn't sure if i should laugh or be offended, so i laughed...seemed like the better choice, and it is kind of amusing that he doesn't realize how very picky i am when it comes to who i'd want to date...especially since he was the one who said i'm never gonna meet someone unless i make my requirements more flexible.

so that was a couple of days ago, but the conversation kinda stuck with me. it made me realize that the bab5 group sees me really differently than any group i've hung out with before. all it took was a super friendly group and me being slightly less quiet and slightly more cuddly (just because i had the chance to be that way)...and the result is that they laugh at the idea of me being shy (it really happened, not exagerating) and don't believe me when i say burning man is probably not my thing. and it's true, i have been less shy here than with other new groups, but even so, i've had my moments. last thursday, i came to melinda's place a little early and stood outside for like 5 minutes, imagining what would happen if i walked in and didn't see anyone i knew. it was weird...i couldn't bring myself to ring the doorbell, for no good reason. so yeah, i still get shy, it's just that i don't mention it to people at bab5...but that never stopped other people from forming that view of me.

so i don't know how to explain this change, but i like it, i think. mostly, i do.

ok, off to do stuff. more later, probably.

Comments

I bet you don't believe...

[maddancingfool.livejournal.com]

that I used to be shy :). And still am in some ways, and times... change is good when you want to change, but very hard to do. It took me a long time and some serious unhappiness in a couple of places; I'm glad that you're changing from good experiences more than painful ones.

Re: I bet you don't believe...

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

heh...you're right, it's very hard to imagine you as shy! i can see, though, that you could've been in high school. i guess what makes it so weird for me with the bab5 group is that it happened so quickly...like, i met them 2 months ago and i'm already comfortable enough that they don't think i'm shy. but yeah, it's been a good experience. happiness!

oh, yeah...call the landlady!