very good yom kippur
Oct. 13th, 2005 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancingyelback home from spending pretty much all day at the shul (another word for synagogue, basically). it was really, really good. i used to get pretty depressed about yom kippur because it made me think of all the things i regretted doing in the previous year, and who likes to think about that? but at one point, i realized (or, more likely, it was pointed out by a rabbi sometime) that really, yom kippur is a joyful occasion because it's a chance to apologize and start over with a clean slate, which is something that doesn't happen in most situations. it's like G-d saying, "yeah, you did some not-so-good things and you should feel bad about them, but as long as you come to Me truly repentant, I'll forgive you and let you try to do better next time."
so on top of yom kippur being in general a good day, this year, the fast was actually both easy and meaningful. i wish that for people every year, and it's usually a little true for me...and this year, it was much more than a little true.
so, the shul i went to this year is a 40 minute walk from my apartment. i thought this would be a bad thing, but it actually worked in my favor for several reasons. one is that generally, there's not a lot of time during the actual services to really think in depth about your own things. the services move along pretty quickly, which means that i just pray the words on the page. i try to think about what i'm saying, and i usually do an ok job of it, but it's still someone else's words, no matter how inspiring. they address my general feelings, but not my specific circumstances. so, the 40 minutes before services really gave me a chance to have my own conversation with G-d, as it were. that was far nicer than it may have been...definitely made myself think about some necessary but unpleasant things, and now i have some concrete goals to work on, such as getting back to lighting shabbat candles on fridays and trying to go to shabbat services on saturday mornings, as well as non-religious items such as being nicer and less judgmental...and just giving people the benefit of the doubt. so that was good...and i also had time to come to a couple of more logical reasons for my beliefs, which i shall post in a separate entry, because this one is getting a bit cluttered.
the other reason the 40 minute walk was a good thing was that it made me stay at shul all day. i thought i'd walk over for morning services, walk home, nap, and come back for the closing services...but then, it was super hot and i knew that if went home i'd be tired and sweaty and really tempted to drink some water, so i stayed for afternoon services, which i'd never done before. and it was nice! more chances to pray with a community, and talk to nice people in the break and all...and then, there was an hour and a half between afternoon and evening services, so i stayed and slept on the couch...and was actually really refreshed by the time evening services started. i'm not sure i would've come back at all if i had gone home, so i'm glad i didn't. and i even stood through the whole closing section (about an hour), which is also something i've never done before. the ark with the Torah is open through that whole section, so you're really supposed to stand, but as the rabbi says, if you're gonna faint, it's better to sit down. in years past, i've always gotten fairly lightheaded (remember, this is after 24 hours of no food or dirnk) and have had to sit down for short periods...but today, i stood through all of it and didn't even feel lightheaded at all! so it was a much easier fast than normal. yayness.
more to come in the next entry, what with minor epiphanies and all.
so on top of yom kippur being in general a good day, this year, the fast was actually both easy and meaningful. i wish that for people every year, and it's usually a little true for me...and this year, it was much more than a little true.
so, the shul i went to this year is a 40 minute walk from my apartment. i thought this would be a bad thing, but it actually worked in my favor for several reasons. one is that generally, there's not a lot of time during the actual services to really think in depth about your own things. the services move along pretty quickly, which means that i just pray the words on the page. i try to think about what i'm saying, and i usually do an ok job of it, but it's still someone else's words, no matter how inspiring. they address my general feelings, but not my specific circumstances. so, the 40 minutes before services really gave me a chance to have my own conversation with G-d, as it were. that was far nicer than it may have been...definitely made myself think about some necessary but unpleasant things, and now i have some concrete goals to work on, such as getting back to lighting shabbat candles on fridays and trying to go to shabbat services on saturday mornings, as well as non-religious items such as being nicer and less judgmental...and just giving people the benefit of the doubt. so that was good...and i also had time to come to a couple of more logical reasons for my beliefs, which i shall post in a separate entry, because this one is getting a bit cluttered.
the other reason the 40 minute walk was a good thing was that it made me stay at shul all day. i thought i'd walk over for morning services, walk home, nap, and come back for the closing services...but then, it was super hot and i knew that if went home i'd be tired and sweaty and really tempted to drink some water, so i stayed for afternoon services, which i'd never done before. and it was nice! more chances to pray with a community, and talk to nice people in the break and all...and then, there was an hour and a half between afternoon and evening services, so i stayed and slept on the couch...and was actually really refreshed by the time evening services started. i'm not sure i would've come back at all if i had gone home, so i'm glad i didn't. and i even stood through the whole closing section (about an hour), which is also something i've never done before. the ark with the Torah is open through that whole section, so you're really supposed to stand, but as the rabbi says, if you're gonna faint, it's better to sit down. in years past, i've always gotten fairly lightheaded (remember, this is after 24 hours of no food or dirnk) and have had to sit down for short periods...but today, i stood through all of it and didn't even feel lightheaded at all! so it was a much easier fast than normal. yayness.
more to come in the next entry, what with minor epiphanies and all.
