yucky yucky times

[dancingyel]

ok, i've decided that i hate the middle of the quarter, especially since it's spring quarter. there's so much stuff going on right now, and all i can think about is getting out of here and going home for the summer. next week is gonna be hell. i have a hum paper due and a math midterm on wednesday, a lab due thursday, and a chem midterm friday. but that's just next week. for tomorrow, i have to finish a chem lab that's already late, write the lady in san francisco to get details about my internship, fill out and turn in applications for storage space for the ballroom dance club, get ready to talk to navs people about fundraising, figure out how to get to LAX on sunday, and prepare for the marshall semiformal which i am randomly going to with a friend of a friend. bother. between all this, i must somehow manage to get some sleep. i think i'll go sleep after i finish this entry, then tomorrow not go to chem and work on my lab, then not go to dancing until i'm done with my lab and it's turned in.

i now know what ceci meant by dance politics. everyone is stressed out and one of our officers is being rather rude to me. i will refrain from naming her, since i'm trying my best not to be rude. however, if she writes me another nasty e-mail, i'm afraid i will not be very pleasant in return. i've been good so far, but i'm not a very patient person, and there's only so much i can do to keep myself from snapping back. hopefully everything will calm down soon.

i realized that i didn't put the context for the quote i had in my last entry. it's talking about the power of silence, and how that was the way rabbis of the talmud felt about God, with that awe and deep love. i just really liked the way it was written, especially since i can relate to it. i think that's why i love hugs so much. they take the place of words...i don't have to say anything, but i can still show love. yeah.

so here's another quote from the same book. this time, the context is that while it is an important thing that God loves humans, it is more important that we are aware of this love.

"To love alone, in secret, is not enough. The benefit of the beloved comes equally from the recognition of love, the feeling of warmth and uniquness that it bestows. That is a great tragedy of some love, that it exists but is not communicated to the beloved, to the child, to the parent, the husband or wife. Even though love abounds, the psychological supposrt is lost...To be loved is insufficient. The wall of restraint must crumble. Love must be expressed, felt, shared"
David J. Wolpe, The Healer of Shattered Hearts

so yes...what's the point of this, you ask? it's quite clear. if you love someone, tell them. or at least show them...but let them know in some way or another. yes.

Comments

[trinary.livejournal.com]

that last part is something on my mind a lot these days...
That in conjunction with -- to what degree is your love for another correlated with their love for you, and is it possible to truly love someone who doesn't love you? Because isn't true love by definition mutual? Maybe not.
And when it comes to expressing love which is unverifiable even to yourself, what do you do? Do you not express it on the notion that if you're unsure, then it's probably not really love, or do you express the uncertainty itself, on the assumption that an expression of uncertainty may resolve it? or nothing at all, on the assumption that things are likely to change, and you'll know in time whether it ought to be expressed, and when to do it?

Love

[maddancingfool.livejournal.com]

I think love in general is too rarely shared. Now I assume you are speaking of romantic love, where you are thinking of love in conjunction with romantic interest, but seriously, I love quite a number of different people in non-romantic ways. Some of them perhaps I would also be interested in romantically, but things are not leaning that way, or whatever; I'm quite happy with who I have. However, the point of this rambling diatribe is something along the lines of... love and expressing love should be easier than proposing to someone, or something like that. And I think if it were easier for us to express our love for others in a broader sense, then perhaps we wouldn't have this big onus on declaring our love for one person. I guess there would still be wierd things and issues when romance was involved, because romance fucks with everyone's head, but wouldn't it be a little easier?
I am also an advocate of letting everyone know whats going on to the greatest extent feasible; If you're interested in someone, let them know of your interest and feel them out through yourself or a third party, because until you do you'll never get anywhere. Anyways, thats my rambling early morning diatribe as I'm about to go to class and wishing time would move faster so I could get on to my 8 hour drive to be with the person I love most in this world for a weekend after not seeing her for weeks: aka its probably not very coherent, but make of it what you will

Re: Love

[trinary.livejournal.com]

right on.

Re: Love

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

what you said about expressing love is so true...it should be easy enough to let people know you love them...but it really isn't. it's funny how it can be so difficult...you'd think that the more you love someone, the easier it would be to tell them...but it's not at all...strange, backwards way of doing things.

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

well, i think that true love isn't by definition mutual; it's by definition unconditional. so if you really, truly love someone, you'll love them even if they don't love you back. it might be difficult if they actively hate you or something, but i doubt anyone would start loving someone who absolutely hated them. so the correlation is between liking someone and them liking you...love is there, independent of other things.
as for expressing interest, i agree with kevin...unless you're sure that it's just a week-long crush type thing, i believe you should let people know what you're thinking. for one thing, it eliminates confusion. and for me, i'd rather know what the other person is thinking. i mean, if they're interested, you can figure out where to go from there, and if they're not, knwoing that nothing is gonna happen makes it easier to get over them.

Re:

[trinary.livejournal.com]

well, in this case, I have known nothing was going to happen for about 6 months now. But at the same time I've never been totally sure if I wanted anything to either. I'm not really complaining, because I haven't taken it that seriously.
It just brings these questions to mind.

It's a good point about love. unconditionality is a must for true love. I've thought that before but it slipped my mind; thanks for reminding me.
On the other hand, I think that true love is ultimately mutual. It might not be mutual right away, but I think given enough time, anyone who knew they were truly loved, lets say loved unconditionally, by another, would eventually come to love them back.
It's like heat -- if you're in the proximity of a hot object for long enough, it will eventually start to warm you up, even if it's undetectable at first. --Only that's a bad analogy because in that situation, you wouldn't start heating up the hot object after a long time. anyway.

Telling. Yeah. It's a good thing, and I've always been a strong proponent of communication. It just makes it hard, since I'm not sure exactly what my feelings are, and I've been feeling them on and off for so long, and she's a good friend of mine, probably one of my closest friends, to begin with. What is there to say? "By the way, I really like you a lot." "no kidding, so do I" "no I mean..." "hey wanna watch a movie?" "ok"

dance politics

[maddancingfool.livejournal.com]

If the politics of the club are anything like those of the team, I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Thank goodness I'm almost done with this responsibility position! Yay! Just a few more weeks...

Re: dance politics

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

i imagine the politics of the team are even worse than the club, just 'cause there are so many more people. i mean, i don't have problems with the general members, just with an officer and one of the ex-officers...but i think part of the problem is that everyone is stressed out about midterms and such.

procrastination dedication

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Laini, You always seem to write of some interesting topic and get interesting responses. whoo haa.. Well, I miss you very much (having not seen you for, well, 4 months now) and your entry on 4/29 just happened to hit the homesick bout that I had while I was at the OR coast. Quite a coincidence..indeed. I don't currently share your sentiments for the midsemester lull.. since I'm outta here next week after finals and packing (and I'll see ya with Eli soon enough!) and things have gotten slightly more interesting with Zak since I last spoke to you.
(and this is how I connect to the comments about love) the pragmatics: stating your interest feels a lot tougher when you're faced with it.. does it make friendship more awkward? will it start something that you don't really want? is there a disadvantage to waiting and letting plans (ie. summer) take you away for a while.. (will clarify later if needed)
as for the quote, thanks to the Reed Humanities 'programme' the topic is somewhat familiar (Final on monday!) there were a lot of politics to the power of silence too. many religions deal with the concept of a formless god, or at least one that shouldn't be depicted lest it can be corrupted and at one point or another in some parts of the world, believers were considered atheistic rebells, go figure.. (sorry for the vagueness and lack of specifics...trying to be pc)
aite, enough of my rabblings..must read and study and understand the world.

peace out, cya soon dears!
On Lee

Re: procrastination dedication

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry you were feeling homesick...but you'll be home soon, right? i hope you feel better!
as for love, i know that expressing interest can be hard...but like i said in a comment to clay, it's always good to know where you stand with the person, and you can't really know unless one of you takes the first step and tells the other ones how he or she is feeling. also, i don't think you should let summer come without figuring things out...i mean, what if you grow apart during the summer, and then wonder forever what might have been? but that's just my opinion without knowing the details...you'll have to fill me in on what's up over there.

Re: procrastination dedication

[(Anonymous)]

silly billies.. =)I'm glad that yall can always find those happy moments and giggle, I suppose being down and out is part of the cycle.. Well, I'm getting pack for heading home and I'm getting some work done and I saw a really cool dance concert yesternight.. so things are fine and dandy..like sour candy. As with love, it seemed like a term that is tossed around a lot without consideration and communication is great (in fact, I think stressing communication in my interview is what got me a job) but it's tough to be on the same wavelength even with a person that you care about. And yep.. not being sure/certain makes things, well, difficult and possibly inhibiting..
a good thing is that he lives just south of santa cruz, so it's not that far (he says he doesn't like coming up to the city though =( ). and with the summer, we both got things going on that are pretty life altering.. so change will happen anyway..

oh elaine, i'm sorry things are yucky...but it's okay, because...

[waccoonie71.livejournal.com]

...my love for you is yellow,
like chicken noodle soup!
it is not constant,
but increases with each day.
until it finally boils over,
overflowing out of the pot,
all over the place,
so that the whole world can taste
and see that i love you!

MUAH! hehehehehe hope things get better!

Re: oh elaine, i'm sorry things are yucky...but it's okay, because...

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

hehehehe...i'm flattered, dear...and yes, i think things are better already, if only because i had lots of fun at the dance and at dancing earlier...so yes...