quick question

[dancingyel]

how do you bring up serious relationship topics without being all scary and making the other person think something is wrong? 'cause i have some things i want to discuss with the boy, but i'm not sure how to start the conversation in a normal, non-scary fashion. i also don't want to pretend to "accidentally" stumble on the topic, which is a tactic that often works, but is really not what i'm going for here.

Comments

[zestyping.livejournal.com]

I'll second that. Being ready for the conversation is important. Because these kinds of conversations involve more sensitive matters, there are potentially bigger risks to normally small things like someone misunderstanding what is said, or being distracted, or just having a bad day.

I tend to be not so good at this, since if there's something that's really bothering me i'll often just let it out. Sometimes i'll remember to preface it with a check to see if my partner is ready to talk now. It doesn't take long for someone to become close enough to me that i'll just tell them whatever i'm thinking. I suppose the positive side of this is that you can have some confidence that i'm not secretly harbouring bad feelings.

Anyway, i'd say: make yourself a note, ask if your partner is ready, and if he is (or when he is), just start to explain what you're thinking about, with the note on hand in case you forget something. If you both really are ready, you won't have to worry about saying everything perfectly, because there will be plenty of time to work out together what each of you really have in mind.

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

i see your point in terms of being ready for a conversation and not just blurting things out. it's a little like the sometimes mistaken assumption that when you're very close to someone, you can say whatever you want to them. the problem is, when you're very close to someone, that's when you can hurt them the most, so that's when you have to be the most careful in what you say, and, more importantly, how you say it. i guess the thing that worries me is the balance between this sort of advance warning thing but also not making the conversation seem bigger than it is.

the nice thing is, we've already talked about some of the things i meant for us to talk about, just because they came up in other conversations we were having...so i have not as many things to worry about. so that's happy.