suddenly, the up and down thing makes sense

[dancingyel]

so, the last few days haven't been that great. partly, it's cause i have a cold and allergies all at once, and my tummy is being unhappy on top of that, so being physically unhappy has made everything else worse. but being sick doesn't really explain why i miss my friends so much more this week than last week, or why i'm missing davidturtle so much more than i have been over the past month. what does explain it, i think, is timing. when i just moved here, i was super busy with everything, but i was also so intensely sad, that being busy only helped somewhat. then, the sadness got better, but i was still so very busy that i more or less stopped feeling sad except for at random times. i was so overwhelmed with school and arranging my life here that i didn't have time to dwell on being unhappy except for a few down moments. now, even though i'm busy with classes and research and all that good stuff, i'm less overwhelmed by it. it's not so new, i've figured out how to juggle most of it, and it's just getting more manageable. so, of course, the sad has time to come out. presumably, now i just need to wait it out so that the sad becomes less salient than the busy again, and then it'll all be better!

so yes, that's my theory. it's all a matter of which mood outweighs the other. it didn't help that dance sucked on monday, or that a scary professor got me very discouraged about being in grad school all together, but i really do think it's a matter of timing, and once i get a little less sick and a little more busy, the sad will fade into the background again.

Comments

[stellae.livejournal.com]

I had an advisor for one project who made me cry approximately every other time I went to meet with him. And I'm still battling with feeling pressure to essentially sell my soul to grad school and wanting to maintain a balanced life.

I think, though, that the reason professors are scary in that way is that they know that your average grad student has been used to a lot of hard deadlines... and grad school has fewer of them, so if you're not a motivated self-starter and don't stay that way, then it's very easy to get lost. *hugs* to you... try not to let your inner overachiever make you feel perpetually guilty that you're not as busy and as stressed as someone seems to think you should be.

[dancingyel.livejournal.com]

Ouch, silly advisor. No one has made me cry yet, but I'm sure it'll happen at some point. It's practically a grad school tradition, right? Heh.

It's true, though, about the lack of deadlines. I have some, but not many, so I definitely have to motivate myself. Thing is, I think I can do that ok, and this silly prof things she needs to scare us into doing it. Ah, well.