it's a beautiful day and i'm stuck here all alone...

i'm bored. very very bored. nothing to do, no one to call, my parents ditched me and went out with their friends. bugger.

but yesterday was a good day. greg came to san francisco and we wondered around yerba buena for a bit, then went to fisherman's wharf. it was sunny and just plain nice. and then i got to hang out with my niece until her parents picked her up...she's a cutie, that kid.

i wanna go back to school. when i'm in sd, i usually have people to hang out with...and here i don't see my high school friends that much anyways...at least when i'm in sd, there's a good reason for not seeing them.

i miss nikki, among other people.

new colors in my lj!

what do you guys think of my new colors? it's a similar color scheme, but they aren't as bright, so i think they work better...any opinions?

oh, btw, if anyone needs color codes for their lj, this is a good place to go for them.

oh, man

i wanna go for a walk...or bike riding...or something outside, but i don't wanna go alone and no one is available to do anything at all. hmmmm...maybe i will end up going alone, just so i can get outside.

i really can't wait to go back to school. i know i already said so today, but i'm feeling it more and more as the day goes on. just can't wait. san diego has nice weather lots of the time, so even if i'm not doing anything, i do'nt feel like i'm wasting a rare opportunity. here, when i'm inside on a gorgeous day, i feel like i'm just throwing it away.

it's september already. wow...time moves so quickly. in a little over a week it'll be september 10th, which was a very weird day last year, and not because it was the day before september 11th. if you don't know, you probably don't need to.

and then it'll be september 11th. horrible, shocking day. when i think about it, it still doesn't seem real. i haven't been to new york after it happened, so i still have this feeling that if i were to go there, the wtc would still be there and all...i know that's not the case, but my mind just refuses to grasp the fact that something so terrible could have happened. it seems like some sort of horrible dream.

come to think of it, most of last year seems like one giant dream, mostly a good one. first year of college was odd. hopefully this year will be less odd, if only because it won't all be so new.

i wish...oh, i don't even know what i wish. someone call me or something...i'm feeling very much alone. bother it all.

on a happy note...nah, not really.

i hate...
-people who use the word "jew-ed"
-unkept promises
-being alone on a beautiful day
-being alone on any day without a good reason
-feeling like no one cares...except my parents, but they're almost required to care
-being so dependent on others for my happiness

resolutions of the day...
-will not let others determine my state of mind
-will not call anyone asking them to do anything with me...it's useless, unsuccesful, and makes me feel worse...instead, will wait for others to ask me to do something with them if they wish to see me
-will learn how to be alone without being all moody

i think i just need to be more passive and not need everyone so much. they obvously don't need me this much.

on a happy note...for real, this time

things that made me smile today...
-finding out that the cooked sushi combo at okazu ya comes with miso soup and green tea ice cream
-being allowed to get said combo even though, as my mom put it, "we have lots to eat at home already"
-talking to rachel...this was especially happy because she normally refuses to talk on the phone to people...she's at a stage where she doesn't like the phone for some reason. but she talked to me!
-realizing that there's a possibility that tomorrow will be beautiful, too

i suppose it's not so bad.

deja vu

had a crummy day, as evidenced by journal entries. was happy when friend called. told him my issues re: needing people too much and feeling like only my family would be affected greatly if i went to live in antarctica or something. ammended that to my family and my roomie. he said something to the effect of, "well, who would be affected if i went to antarctica?" i said that i would and he replied, "well, only you and my family then" and proceeded to try and convince me that God can replace people. and all i could think of was, "oh, i guess you wouldn't care if i went to antarctica, then...no, that's right, you have God...people must not matter." i know that's probably unfair...wait, no, i know it's unfair, but at this point, i don't really care. i mean, seriously, shouldn't one be at least a little sensitive? or is that too much to ask?

as for God, it is my firm belief that He put people here to do things He's choosing not to do...such as hug their friends and such...and that He can't really replace people in the sense that He chooses not to take on human form and go to each sad person and hug him or her. i mean, He sends His love through people, so when someone hugs you it's like God hugging you...but yes. i don't know if that all makes sense written down, but it makes sense in my head.

off to bed i go...i hope tomorrow is a better day.